Never Can Say Goodbye
by glamorous x lo
Summary: I wish I could find it in me to say goodbye to Eric. Oneshot.


Your wedding day is supposed to be the greatest day of your life. You're supposed to be glowing. Everything is supposed to be perfect and wonderful. And in less than ten minutes, I'm going to be a married woman. But I'm not glowing. Nothing seems perfect and wonderful. I wish I could stall so these last few minutes last a lifetime. I'm not even thinking about the man I'm about to marry. All I can think of is _him_.

Jackie, my matron of honor, comes behind me in the mirror. "Donna..." she says quietly. "You're one hundred percent positive you want to do this?" I turn around to face her and with tears in my eyes I say, "Yes. Of course I do." _Lie._ I smile at her and wipe the tears from my eyes. "I'm crying because I'm so happy." _Another lie. _And Jackie can see right through me. "Quit it. You know and I know you don't want to do this. You don't want to marry Casey Kelso. You don't want to marry a Kelso at all." I tilt my head to the side and slightly pout. "Aren't you one to talk? You married a Kelso. You're having a Kelso's baby, Jackie." I point to her not-so-big-yet stomach. "Well, Michael isn't a flaky jerk-off. And I love him more than life itself. Can you say the same about Casey? Let's face it, he certainly isn't Prince Charming, he's not..." She doesn't say his name, but I know exactly who she's talking about. "You're right. They're nothing alike. But I love Casey, Jackie, I really do. This feels right."

Jackie half smiles. "Well, either way, you're my best friend and as long as you're happy, I am too." She gives me a hug. "I hear the music. It's time for me to get out there. Good luck, Donna." She gives me one more hug before hurrying down the stairs to the church. My mother pops her head into the door. "It's time, Donna. Are you ready?" I paste on another fake smile. "I can't wait." _Lie lie lie. _My life is turning into a lie.

I go downstairs and stand by the doors leading into the church with my dad. "My baby girl is all grown up." He's about to cry and I hug him. "Let's go, Dad."

He brings me down the aisle and I look around at everybody in the church. People are either smiling or crying, whispering, "Look at her." I look to the left side to see everyone I know. Jackie and Kelso are both up by the altar. Laurie, Hyde, Fez, Kitty and Red are sitting with each other...but no sign of Eric. So he didn't come. I knew he wouldn't come. Casey didn't even know that I invited him. He just doesn't care about me anymore. He doesn't care what I do or who I'm with or anything. He made that clear when we broke up, didn't he?

My dad lets me go and I stand next to Casey. Before I look at him, I turn and look at Jackie. She pretends she didn't see me glance and looks down at the floor. I turn to Casey's side and look at Kelso. He shakes his head. _Why isn't anyone convinced that this is the right thing to do? _It's a dumb question to ask myself, because I already know the answer. Nobody is convinced because I haven't convinced myself yet.

The priest starts talking and I drown out his words. Memories of Eric and I flood through my brain. Casey shouldn't be the one I'm marrying. It should be Eric. It's always been Eric. Casey will never know me the way Eric does. Casey will never love me as much as Eric does. I just wish I could turn back time. I wish I could find it in me to say goodbye to Eric. But I can't. I never can say goodbye. I'll never be able to say that to him. I try to turn my attention back to the priest. "...for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love her and cherish her, til death do you part?" _Please say you don't, Casey, please say you don't. _"I do." he says. The priest repeats the same thing to me. "...til death do you part?" I take a look around the church one more time to see if Eric is there. And he is. There he is, in the very back of the church, his sad eyes practically drilling a hole into me. I can't help but stare at him, too. I'm not sure if anybody else notices it, but I have a feeling people do, so I quickly turn back to the priest. "I do."

_Way to go, Donna. Way to screw up any last chances you had with Eric._

"If there is anyone who objects to the union of this man and this woman, speak now or forever hold your peace." I look at Jackie - nothing. Kelso - nothing. Lastly, I turn around and look at Eric. He has his mouth open like he's about to say something. _Come on and say it. _He says nothing. Nothing at all. Instead, he mouths something to me and I can't make out what it is. He repeats it. I get this time - "I love you, Donna." And with that, he turned away.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Clapping echoes throughout the church and Casey gives me a kiss. I look at everyone all so happy and teary eyed. I've never felt this heartbroken, and it's ironic, considering I'm supposed to be the happiest girl on the planet. I can't stop looking over at Eric. He looks up at me one more time. He smiles and gives a little wave before going to talk to Laurie. I never got the chance to say what I wanted to say to him.

_I love you too, Eric._


End file.
